To be or not to be? I think Shakespeare (precisely Hamlet) really cooked with this one because that actually is the question. We always look at ourselves as a work in progress because for most of our life we have desired to look a certain way, dress a certain way, go to certain places, have certain items, and as we go into adulthood - to make a certain amount of money. But I’ve realized that even though I’ve already achieved most of the goals that me from 3 years ago wanted, I still want more. I still need more. I’m not yet this finished product that I thought I was going to be by now.
Something that we tend to forget or leave out when taking inspiration from those who’ve ‘made it’ in life is who we truly are. We forget that each of us has our own unique concoction of vivid experiences and ancient genomes that shape who we are and how we interact with the world around us. Not even twins will have the same thoughts about the same things because they too are not exempt from the universal truth that is Sonder - the realization that every random person you encounter has a life as vivid and complex as your own, filled with their own thoughts, experiences, and stories, even if you are unaware of them.
Sonder is a very hard feeling to accept because humans are wired to simplify things in order to lessen the cognitive load of the brain and to create patterns that can be used to respond to the environment effectively. This is why we always judge others and project our own thoughts and feelings onto others knowing very well how harmful it is. This is also why some of us spammed the quadratic equation every time we saw descending even exponents in the maths exam instead of treating each math question as unique - doing so results in cognitive dissonance and in turn, confusion and discomfort. We are way bigger fans of confirmation bias, and looking at the raw, often expansive evidence takes away from that dopamine-filled ‘I was right’ feeling. But what if I told you that Sonder will save you?
In realizing that each and every person has their own unique experience of life, I’ve started giving myself the same empathy that I gave to all the passersby after acknowledging that they, just like me, cannot be understood in just a glimpse of their guise or a single, shallow interaction. Nobody will ever fully understand you and you will never fully understand others, because neither of you have experienced each other's lives in the exact same way. This is why there will always be someone who had a reason to do something that you would never do. By accepting yours and others’ unique positions in this world, you can save yourself from walking the artificial path that has been built by a society coping with being forced to live within a system that ignores their individuality.
Yes, it is definitely a tough job to start questioning whether the life you have been told to strive for all this time is the life that YOU would like to live. But I know now from experience that the more you keep running down this mentally comfortable, premeditated and unquestioned road, the more you lose yourself. Using Sonder as an introspective tool has allowed me to actually take a step back to not only appreciate how far I’ve come, but it has also empowered me to embrace my imperfect self and in turn, to admire the person I am right now. I have completely destroyed the idea of the future self, so my answer to Hamlet's question is NOT to be, but to evolve and become, each and every day.
kwenza ♡