Who are you? 'Who' is supposed to be your identity, but your identity isn’t as simple as your looks or behaviors that people see on the outside. I define authenticity as fully acknowledging who you are, that is, your raw identity.
I believe that before birth, we initially lack any kind of identity if not genetic. But after birth, we start interacting with the environment around us and the outcomes of these interactions shape our identity as much as they affect us, negatively or positively. I think some babies are good at climbing simply because they have experience with falling and have picked up through pattern recognition how to maneuver themselves around obstacles. On the other hand, a baby that is used to calling out to their caretaker for something most likely knows through pattern recognition that it is more reliable to point to and cry for that thing; they will not have much experience climbing and will be bad at it. In that same way, humans recognize patterns in events that affect them directly and consistently, and in turn, use that information to improve their interactions with others in those events and produce more favorable outcomes.
Your identity is an accumulation of the patterns/knowledge inferred from the events and the environment in which they take place. You probably call yourself an introvert because you’ve noticed that you don’t socialize often or find it easy to be alone since you’ve already practiced it, and you might associate your behavior with introversion. In reality, it's not always the things you will feel comfortable telling others that make up your identity. Maybe you experienced forced social isolation because you live in a dangerous area or maybe you go to a private school where your frugal lifestyle isn't compatible with your peers’ lavish lifestyle; maybe you have the unfortunate experience of being bullied and isolate yourself as a coping mechanism. Authenticity comes in when you recognize your complexity as a human being and not leave out the ugly parts of your identity that make you or others uncomfortable.
You might have internal biases (like prejudicial -isms such as sexism, racism, classism etc.) that contradict your values but are validated by strong personal experience; you might have done some horrible things in the past that despite trying to be better, you’re still afraid that they might define you. You might be suppressing the expression of socially unacceptable emotions or behaviors that aren’t harmful to people but traditionally taboo, such as being gentle and vulnerable as a man or choosing not to get married and/or not have children as a woman—sometimes you might have flashes of emotion that you avoid, such as prioritizing being gentle but snapping at someone in a fit of rage. It is important to know that none of the above things are separate from your humanity. The sooner you embrace them along with the good parts of yourself that you wear on your sleeve, the more authentic your self or identity becomes. Yes, people will see this and try to make you feel shameful, but you cannot undo your past, and in turn, you cannot deny it when confronted with it. It is a part of you that you need to accept as it continues to shape how you live your life. No matter how much you plan on working on yourself, without fully accepting your current self, you can never truly evolve.
Once you have finally begun the journey of becoming who you truly are through self-acceptance, you also start the process of liberation. Liberty from your false identity, from unnatural ideals, from the exhausting performance of hide and seek (i.e., hiding the ugly parts of yourself and trying to find an ideal identity), from shallow conversations that force you to lie to keep the spark alight. You STOP being your biggest critic. You begin finding inner peace and become self-content and self-confident. You start forming boundaries in order to stop wasting your energy on things that don’t align with your values, and in turn, you make more energy available for expenditure on deepening meaningful interactions with the world into healthy relationships and habits.
The journey of being your true self has no destination. It is a constant process of becoming and evolving as you grow as a person.
The more authentic you become, the more you learn to love yourself, not for what the world or society wants you to be, but for the unfiltered, chaotic and perfectly imperfect human you exist as everyday and every night - whether somebody is watching you or not.
kwenza ♡